My heart aches for you knowing what you are going through right now. I can't "help" other than to sit, listen, and be a shoulder for your head to rest on as you walk this difficult journey.
Know this ~ it will pass and
your life will be good again. I know this for a fact. It is the cycle of our lives to lose, grow, and then bloom again. Every one of us exists in this circle of life.
Understand that the door was supposed to close and the window that will open for you next is going to allow you to fly. Allow yourself to cry, grieve, sigh. Allow yourself to feel all of those emotions that we try to bottle up and stuff down so that the world will think we are ok. Normal. Moving on. Feel them and know that nothing you are going through hasn't been felt by someone before you. Be gentle with yourself and simply sit in silence for a bit. But not forever...
Put a time limit on yourself. Don't stay too long in that place that pulls you down and makes you want to give up. Tell yourself at first, just for today; then just for this morning; and then, just for an hour. Move your time frames up and shorten them over the next few weeks.
Don't cut the rest of us out of your life. Now more than ever, you need your friends. Let us love you back to life. Together we will find that place of joy again. Trust me on that. You will not stay in the dark place you are in right now... unless you *choose* to. Don't choose to... instead, *choose YOU* and start to take baby steps back into the life that is waiting for you. Don't make what happened a mountain you cannot climb and overcome. You can do anything you choose to do. I believe in you. Please, believe in yourself.
I am here for you when you want to talk, scream, cry, sob, or simply sit with someone. Know this one thing though: the only one who has the power to heal your heart is you. No one can do it for you. Once you understand that your heart is in your hands, and your hands only, then you will know what to do. Trust your own voice. Be kind to you.
I love you... {{{hugs}}}
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"When you experience the deep pain of loneliness, it is understandable that your thoughts go out to the person who was able to take that loneliness away, if only for a moment. When you feel a huge absence that makes everything look useless, your heart wants only one thing–to be with the person who once was able to dispel these frightful emotions. But it is the absence itself, the emptiness within you, that you have to be willing to experience, not the one who could temporarily take it away."
~Henri Nouwen, “The Inner Voice of Love"
Words written by others for you to save for the day when you are ready *hear*... :)
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VALUE *YOU*
If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.
Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend.
Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is. Don't stay because you think, "it will get better." You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything.* He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior.* Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are... even if he has more education or is in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A leopard cannot change its spots. Why would he treat you any different?
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
Not all men are dogs. There are Good men out there. Don’t settle for less.
You should not be the one doing all the bending... compromise is two way street.
You need time to heal between relationships... there is nothing cute about baggage... deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you... a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals.
Look for someone complimentary... not supplementary.
Dating is fun... even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes... when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily available to him - he takes you for granted.
Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.*
Deal breakers are just that... broken. Move on.
Finding your way home is the most difficult journey you will ever take once you let go.
Take it anyway. You're worth it.
There's no place like home.
~Unknown author
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I REPEAT: VALUE *YOU*
In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question "What kind of man are you looking for?"
She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking, "Do you really want to know?"
Reluctantly, he said "Yes."
She began to expound...
"As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man... or woman for that matter. I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?"
The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. "I need something more. I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life."
He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man.
I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. And even if he is a believer; he needs to believe as I do.
I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden.
I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, and strong enough to keep me grounded when I do go through changes. I don't need a man who is going to purposely bring me grief.
I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him and he must respect me. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business or who is "messy" in his personal affairs. I have no problem being submissive... but he has to be worthy.
God made woman to be a help mate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself. If he can't help himself then he definitely can't help me.
When she finished her spiel, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You are asking a lot."
"She replied, "I'm worth a lot."
Yes. You are.
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