always remember, you deserve better

Girl, listen to me...

My heart is breaking with yours right now. When you commented about your friends, it tore my heart out to know you were hurting. The road is going to be one of ups and downs emotionally for awhile but know these two things:

1. You will survive it.

2. You deserve better.

I am so proud of you for the way you have kept your chin up these past few months after you told me what happened. Watching you has been an inspiration for me. You handled it all with courage and class. You cut ties. You took control. That took a lot of strength. You amaze me. I know what it takes from the core to walk away. I have been where you are and know how much it hurts. I remember not being able to breathe.

If there can be one consolation for you remember what I said:

At least you didn't stay twenty three years.

Now, as word is getting out, you are finding out about more lies he told you. It is as it always is... you will never know everything. Liars always lie. You could say the sky is blue and they would say to "no, it's green". They will never tell you the truth, they just get better at hiding the lies. For someone who always tells the truth, it is mind boggling to get your head wrapped around that concept, I know.

Your actions have ended one part but you still have all of the heartbreak and picking up the shattered pieces. Know this, you will be conflicted at times. Love doesn't go away simply because it ends. You have a right to be angry, that's normal. When you trust someone with all of *you* and they lie to you, you should feel violated. You should be all of the things you feel right at this very moment. Allow yourself to experience all the emotions. It is part of the process.

Remember what I wrote, it takes time... lot's and lot's of time to heal.

Give yourself a lot of time... take care of *you*.

While you're healing, think about this:

Any man who blames someone else for their actions is a boy, not a man. Any man who plays a victim is a boy who also doesn't want to admit they did anything to hurt you. Any man who cannot accept full responsibility for their actions is a boy. End of story.

You don't need a boy. They are simply looking for a mother to take care of them and an easy life being supported by a woman. Now, realize you really don't need a man either but wanting and needing are two different things. Recognize what a boy is as compared to a Man, and it will free you. Trust me.

Boys are selfish and self-serving. They reside in the body of an adult and leave destruction in their path as they charge their way to whatever it is that they want in the moment. They could care less about anyone or anything, except themselves. They do not accept responsibility for their actions. It's always someone else's fault. They make excuses. They don't see themselves as in the wrong. In their core, they truly believe they are always right.

You would have driven yourself crazy if you had stayed with one of these boys because you would have always wondered what was wrong with you. Trust me. I know it well... I lived this life. You would have always asked yourself how you could make it work. You would have wondered what more you could do to make the relationship right. At the end of it all, you would have spinned your wheels for the rest of your life holding your breath and walking on eggshells to try to satify the mind of a child. Fruitless and destructive to your core.

Now Men... real Men... they don't throw fits. The 'boy' inside has grown to match the man on the outside. They are calm and loving and in control of themselves in all things in their lives. You don't have to guess where their head is at because they will make sure you know. You won't have to worry about trusting them because they will never do anything to hurt you and make you not trust them. They are like a huge rock planted in the earth. Dependable. Uncomplaining. Responsible. It is like standing on solid ground. Real Men are an anchor in this sea called life.

Men:

Know who they are at their core and are not ashamed.

Never lie about who they are to anyone for any reason.

Do not hurt people to get what they want.

Are in control of themselves emotionally.

Are in control of themselves physically.

Are in control of themselves regarding their habits that either positively and/or negatively affect themselves and those who are around them.

Are in control of their surroundings but not domineering of those they love.

Don't use manipulation to gain control or the 'upper hand'.

Don't play emotional head games.

Won't ever try to get their point across any way except directly to the person they want to receive it.

Do tell you exactly what they expect.

Do tell you exactly what they want.

Do tell you exactly what they don't want.

No doubt exists as to what they do or don't want because they already KNOW who they are and have dealt with their own insecurities about their wants, needs, and desires.

Don't lead others down paths that could hurt those individuals.

Don't use people, they use things.

Do take responsibility for their actions and words.

Do want to protect and cherish you.

Do value *you* for the special individual you are... they understand there is only one of you and they would never want to intentionally hurt you.

They care. Men with a capital 'M', very simply.... care.

They care about others.

They want to make this world a better place.

They want to give without expecting anything in return.

They will never live off of anyone else.

They will always stand on their own two feet.

They will always want what's best for you, not for them.

They will always think before they do anything keeping themselves aligned with the core of their control.

They will always think before speaking and they will always speak the truth.

Real Men can do this because they are honest, caring, loving, and true... to themselves first, and then to you. Always value your own self-worth and don't settle for anything less. This type of Man could be a partner, not a child, in a relationship. This type of Man wouldn't need you, but he would want you. This type of man would love you with all his heart and soul and not be ashamed to admit it to the world. This type of man has dreams and puts them into a set of goals so that others can fly with him.

Someday, after the pain has gone away, you will be ready to begin again. When you are, and trust me ~ you will be someday! ~ look at the actions of the men you choose to allow in to your life. Look closely at what they say and then at what they do. Trust your gut. Trust yourself. Recognize a boy from a Man... know the difference and choose wisely.

You deserve love. You deserve a life filled with all the wonderful things a Man can offer and I know that He is out there in the universe waiting... waiting for you to be ready for Him. They do exist.

I love ya, sis! Call me when you need a shoulder or a hug.

I'm always here for you. ♥

Always remember, it was never a lie for you.

When you get lonely, tell yourself this: