What is the secret...?

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It is interesting to listen to the viewpoints of others. How they think. What they believe. What makes them unique and their own person in the world around them. Recently many of you provided thoughtful insights into your core beliefs when asked two questions:

1. AGREE or DISAGREE? A friend said to me, "In reality, no one is truly happy. Some are just better than others at fooling themselves about how they really feel."

And:

2. What is your definition for happiness?

It was interesting to watch as the first question brought about the need for the second. The answers were as individual as the friends responding. The subsequent dialogue sought further introspection of expressed opinions and ideals. All of your statements are valid and true at some level within the broad spectrum of what brings joy to each of your lives.

The process of coming to the lowest common denominator for the definition of happiness though is not an easy task. What is the secret to happiness on a universal level? Is there one single concept that can be practiced by each and every one of us that gives us the ability to be happy, no matter what?

If you tie your happiness to a person, what happens when that person disappears? What if they die or leave or simply stop living? There are many ways for a person to withdraw. Some are permanent and others are temporary. Are you living your life around another and unable to be happy without that continuous interaction? Are you looking for someone else to make you happy?

If you tie your happiness to a thing, what happens when that thing disappears? Either by loss or mechanical failure? What happens when it becomes outdated and obsolete and no longer useful? Do you run out and buy the next best thing hoping that will fill the void and make you happy? Are you on the materialistic merry-go-round and unhappy unless you can acquire anything your heart desires? Every time your heart desires it? What happens when your life changes and you lose the ability to stuff it with things? Would you still be happy?

And what about the things that have no materialistic value to anyone but have sentimental value to you? Is your happiness tied to things with nostalgic value? What if they all disappeared in the blink of an eye? Would you be able to be happy without any of the things that you place the utmost value on in your life?

If you tie your happiness to a location, what happens when it becomes unavailable to you? What happens when you can no longer live there? Work there? Visit there? Would your world fall apart and crumble into pieces if you suddenly had no place to call home? No place to go to work? No place in the world all your own? Would you still be happy?

If you tie your happiness to your health, what happens when you are no longer healthy? Or if you lose a limb or your eyesight or your hearing? Would the loss of your physical capabilities prevent you from being happy for the rest of your life? Could you survive it?

Many of these hypothetical situations will never happen to you personally but they have all happened to others individually. How do these people not only survive but come out of devastating circumstances stronger and as happy as they ever were before the bad things happened? What is their secret?

I sat in a restaurant a few weeks back with friends and watched as a woman was wheel-chaired in to the table next to us by a man. It could have been her husband or her brother or simply a friend. They were laughing as they ordered their meal. They were sharing and talking and enjoying each other's company. They appeared to be what all of us would consider as "happy" in that moment in time.

The woman had no legs and no arms.

Happiness.

What is the secret?

What makes some people miserable who appear to have everything and others full of joy who have so much less than them? Why are there so many dissatisfied people who truly have nothing to be unhappy about? Why is complaining and hating and negativity and self pity running rampant when the majority of us should be... well, happy...???

In my personal experience, happiness is three fold and simple. I wake up every morning in a state of joy and gratefulness. I always have and never expect it to change. During dark times, it is a bit more difficult to find these feelings but they are always there, under the surface buried deep in my core. My 'normal' state of being is one of joy. I don't make a decision to wake up happy. It just "is".

I believe it is because:

1. I am content.
2. I allow myself to grieve my losses.
3. I let go.

I am content with who I am at my core. I accept and love all of me, the good and the bad. In the quiet stillness of the sunrise, I embrace the day knowing that it is a totally new moment in time that I've never experienced and I am content to live it as it's meant to be lived... whatever that moment brings to me. I don't want for people, places and things. If they are brought my way then it's a bonus to my day! But there are no expectations... for anyone or from anything. I don't expect any thing, any person or any place or even my health to bring me any happiness.

Two, I allow myself my sadness. When bad things happen or my life takes a sharp turn in a different direction, I give myself a time limit to be sad about what has transpired and then I simply let go. The only control I have is over my actions and reactions. There is no other control we have in this world.

When there are changes in my life, when there is loss and pain and despair that I cannot prevent from happening ~ I can still have my joy after my grieving time period is completed. I only allow so much time for feeling sorry for myself and then I pick up and get on with life. You see, if you keep your mind and your heart wrapped around all of the negatives that have happened to you in your life ~ you will never find your joy. It can't breathe. People prevent themselves from being happy by holding on to their grief.

Which brings us to three, I let go.

Every second of every day there are bad things that happen to us. We can choose to hold on to these experiences. We can bury them so deep within us that sometimes we don't realize we are still carrying them around until low and behold, someone or something somewhere triggers a response that brings them to the surface.

Holding on to all the negatives in your life prevents you from growing emotionally. It prevents you from moving forward. It prevents you from healing, loving, learning and living. It prevents you from being happy. Embracing the bad from your old life is unproductive. There is no edification in living in the past. You are stealing your own joy and throwing it away when you constantly allow yourself to revisit painful previous situations that brought you to your knees.

So every day, I let go. Until one day, I don't need to let go anymore because whatever bad thing that I was holding on to deep within me ~ it is now forgotten. As far as the east is from the west. At that point, without my even knowing it, I have forgiven myself for holding on to it in the first place. That's when I am able to be truly free. Then, and only then, can I fly.

I don't know the answer for anyone else to help them find their secret to being happy. My short list might not work for you. As life comes charging at you trying to steal your joy though, if you don't have a game plan ~ why not try mine? Just for awhile. Just to see if it works for you. My son said it takes 21 days to create a lifetime habit. Give it a try. Do it every day for 21 days. Every moment of every day when you need to... and just see if it works for you.

Wake up every morning content with who you are and what you have and where you live and what you do and every moment you feel a negative surfacing or re-surfacing from within ~

Let it go.

What have you got to lose?
What have you got to gain?
It's your choice.
You have your own control.
Do you want to be happy?
If you do,
Choose *you*.

Thank you to all my friends who gave me much food for thought!
Love ya!!!